I’m going to be a Dad, now what? (Dad's View)
I’m going to be a dad!! Wait, did I say that out loud, and ARE YOU SERIOUS?! The emotional rollercoaster has officially taken off. Excitement is quickly extinguished with nervousness and uncertainty. What do I need to do next? How long do I have? 9 months right?! Wait, you're already 4 weeks along, so that means 8 months left!? I thought I was supposed to get a 9 month head start! Oh crap, I’m running out of time…I’M GOING TO BE A DAD!! There’s that uncontrollable excitement again. And to imagine that is how I felt in less than a minute of finding out only means this is going to be one hell of a ride.
I know there are going to be highs and lows throughout my life. This moment though was a better feeling then when I found out I landed my dream job, or when I made it into college, and right up there to when my wife said, “I do!” Ok I need a minute to let this all sink in…Take a deep breath….yes this is really happening.
Where to even begin...? I was making breakfast for my wife and myself this morning when she went upstairs for what seemed like forever. Come on babe, I made breakfast and it was already getting cold! So after 10 minutes of waiting, I did what every good husband would do, I started eating without her. FAIL! Ok, I’m not the perfect husband and know that I will not be the perfect father, but then again, no one likes a cold breakfast burrito. If we are honest with ourselves, no one is perfect except for the Man upstairs!
After multiple attempts to get my wife down here, I began to eat. After I finished and had started cleaning up the kitchen, she came down with a present for me and a glowing grin on her face. Let me be the first to admit that I had no clue what was in the bag or any sneaking suspicion her tardiness was due to the fact that she was taking not 1, but 2 pregnancy tests after the first one read positive.
I opened up the letter inside to probably the funniest 1950's style card I had ever seen with the phrase, “All I wanted was a backrub” with a woman standing in front of 2 cribs. Again, I was oblivious because it is an ongoing joke between us that my wife is always asking for a massage, so I didn’t even think twice about it. I opened the card and started reading only to get to the second line, when my eyes got big and the lightbulb finally clicked on. I didn’t even finish the card and kept asking her if she was serious. She just had this ear-to-ear smile. I proceeded to open the gift and inside were 2 positive pregnancy tests!! I’m going to be a dad!!!!!!!!!!! My emotions were running all over the place and I was so excited for us and then it hit me…this is really happening.
As I tried to process everything, fear came into my mind. We had just finished up the holiday season with a very stressful time, and what about my wife not getting much sleep the past few weeks, being sick, or taking medications. I tried to subdue my emotions and just be realistic about things. Both of our families had difficulties conceiving, and the fear of a miscarriage or something being wrong crept into my head. Then there was a sense of peace which I can only claim came from God, a soothing calm and reminder that God has everything under control and that only He has ultimate control. My wife and I have been reading a book lately on parenting, and it talks about how we are here for God’s work, and He is the one that has all the control. No matter what stresses or doubts I may have, I can put my faith and hope in Him. That joy and peace allowed me to once again rejoice in the fact that, I’M GOING TO BE A DAD!!!
This week was an eye-opening experience, and I share this with you as a way to encourage other hopeful dads. My wife and I have been trying to conceive for over a year, and it has been a world of hope and letdowns. Each month we would try and then wait expectantly only to see another negative pregnancy result. My wife went to see her doctor a few months ago, and he suggested that I be tested as well. In my head, I’m the stubborn guy that never goes to the doctor, and I think everything is good-to-go down there. I finally got the courage to have them run a semen analysis and received my results late last night. My numbers weren’t exactly where they needed to be. Wait, maybe this had more to with me than I ever realized. God really humbled me in that moment and I remember calling my dad to talk to him more about it. He in turn told me of the complications both he and my mother had and things he had to do in order to do his part.
As a guy we try to avoid things and it’s the, “If I don’t know something is wrong, it must mean there is nothing wrong.” I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that is not always the case. I spent the evening researching what I could do, which included loading up on zinc and vitamin C. I was actually in the middle of taking my vitamins when my wife came downstairs to give me the exciting news.
I truly believe that sometimes we as guys need to be humbled in order to genuinely appreciate what God has in store for us. It is not by anything that we are able to do on our own, instead it is only by his grace that He shows us compassion. I have prayed for this day much more in the recent year and also learned to trust in God completely even in the areas that I had not let go before.
All this being said now the fun begins! The countdown officially starts! When we were plugging the numbers into her pregnancy app, instead of us having the 8.5 months, I found out that you basically are at 4 weeks when you get that first positive read so we are already down to 8 months. Looks like it is time to finish that parenting book sooner rather than later. 2018 just became a whole lot different. I may need to go back and revisit that New Year’s resolution to include something about fatherhood.
Time for the fun to begin. Already, I have learned through my morning readings that back rubs are going to be often, random food runs (her eating half a jar of olives last night makes more sense now), and lots of extra errands around the house to help my wife. Again she is carrying my child so my goal is to make her the happiest woman alive or at least try my best for her not to curse me for getting her pregnant!
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